cecelia findorff.

never obsessing over love.

 

I’ve never been one
to obsess over love
never been the fool
with glazed over eyes
searching starry skies
for a chance to place
my wish

never placed my self worth
in his greedy hands
wondering why he didn’t
call back

never made a move
never cried wolf
never gave in at all
I’m a brick wall
I will never fall
I will never fall

used to tell myself
someone would care
to tear down my walls
now i’m sitting alone
next to an empty chair
and the music is too loud

and there’s some couple making out
and a guy hitting on a girl
way out of his league
and here i am checking my phone
wondering why you haven’t called

never made a move
never cried wolf
never gave in at all
I’m a brick wall
I will never fall
I will never fall

used to tell myself
someone would care
to tear down my walls
now i’m sitting alone
next to an empty chair
used to tell myself
someone would care
to tear down my walls
now i’m sitting alone
next to an empty chair
why aren’t you there
why aren’t you there
why aren’t you there

never made a move
never cried wolf
never gave in at all
I’m a brick wall
I will never fall
I will never fall

gonna make a move
gonna cry wolf
gonna give in this time
I’m gonna fall
watch me fall
watch me fall

and i made a move
and I cried wolf
I gave into it all
There goes my
brick wall
Cmon watch me fall
cmon watch me fall

suggestion for a cover?

give me a suggestions for a cover.
i’ll do one soon.

sad brown eyes.

i used to see those brown eyes
they were so sad and lonely
reminded me of mine
remember mine

i was disappointed in the words you said
i was disappointed in the words bouncing in your head

i love your sad eyes
your sad brown eyes
no matter who they look at
i love your sad eyes
your sad brown eyes
i love your sadness
and the beauty in your pain

the irony of it all
candy coated migraines
driving me sane
with a smile plastered on
i can still see
your sad brown eyes

i was disappointed in the words you said
i was disappointed in the words bouncing in your head

i love your sad eyes
your sad brown eyes
no matter who they look at
i love your sad eyes
your sad brown eyes
i love your sadness
and the beauty in your pain

your palms swept up in my brain
tangled in a knotted mane
trying to cure some
selfish pain

in this crowded room,
i reach i reach for you
in this crowed place
i scream i scream for you
in this crowded room,
i reach i reach for you
in this crowed place
i scream i scream for you

39,000 reasons to keep going.

okay.
i wasn’t planning on writing a novel about my journey so far until my 2 year anniversary of having a music myspace, which is the 22nd of august, but it seems as though now would be a fitting moment to write.

it is currently 1:30 am and around an hour or maybe more ago… i hit 39,000 plays.

that may not seem like a big deal to some people, and in the grand scheme… it isn’t, but to me? it is.

it means SO much that people would even care to take a chance on a virtually unknown girl.
the fact that people can sit through a song, two songs, three songs.

these are words i wrote, with the exception of covers, this is my heart.

these aren’t lines and memories i fabricate and twist into eloquent chains that flow to notes.

these are things that pump through my veins and nestle into my brain until i spit them out.

i am so lucky to have music as an outlet and even luckier to have people who listen to it.

pretty soon i embark on an adventure, a pretty huge one.

i will be going to college in chicago for music.

it’s been a dream of mine to do this for a very long time, and the fact that i can is unbelievable.

but the truth is… this weird passion and strength and inspiration propelling me forward?

it couldn’t have been ignited without a push.

it couldn’t have been ignited without a smile.

it couldn’t have been ignited with out hope.

the beauty i see inside of people amazing.
i imagine little universes inside all of us, like in MIB 2 when they open the locker and there is a universe in it.
i’m really weird, but the human capacity to love and to care is absolutley incredible.

i truly believe that we can ALL do what we want.
we can be who we want to be.
because there is something inside me, that i know others feel.

it’s this magnetic pulse, and i can’t help it. and i use to second guess it. and now i live for it.

i’m not gonna give up, it’s that simple.
people can tell me horrid things, but people also share beauty with me.
i need to do this, and i believe i can… especially with your support.

some thank yous are in order.

first, madre y papi.
i don’t think i could ever put into things such simple as words what you have done for me, what you have provided for me. i know i’m annoying and needy, but i hope i put joy into your life. i am so lucky to have parents who believe in me and support me in something i love. daily i am reminded of the beauty of the love that our family shares. we are so fortunate to have one another, so fortunate. and this next year will be hard… but we can do it.

gramamamamam.
you are my world, my joy, my happiness. you are the greatest woman ever, i really don’t understand. you see beauty in everything and i know kathleen adn i strive to be you. keep on rockin’ gram. (:

nichole.

like how many times have i made you feel awkward by telling you these things? whateva. you are my girl. like… i don’t know what i would do without you. not talking to you for more than a day is unnatural. el ay bb. but seriously, thank JC for the JB because wher would we be if we couldn’t dream. i’m creative ok? but seriously. i lvoe you. you are just, yea. you are great. and don’t let anyone make you feel like poopie because you got a fast car. that you can drive. beep beep yeeeaw.

kitty kat.

you are my best friend. you are the closest thing i have to a sister. but you you you kinda suck. and are those girl jeans? and i don’t know what i am gonna do without you. i believe in you, so hard core. SO HARD CORE, seriously you can do whatever you want. what position do you play on the baseball team? you are beautiful, intelligent, witty and hillarious. who deosn’t want to know you? kitt like a sewing kit.

margx.

i know we’ve had some tough….. crap. but it’s worth it because who we are now, as best friends, is better. i love you so much. the memories we’ve made will last, and i refuse to believe otherwise. you have a beautiful shining soul, so shine on. you were made to. i know you have my back. i know are one of the few wac kids who does. i love you. never sell out for something less than you are. thank you for your support, your beauty, your words. i wuv u.

jessie haag.

you are just, amazing jessie. you are a great friend. you understand me, and that’s hard to find. i am so freakin’ lucky. roadtrips with you are unexplainable. how is spencer? i love you jessie. like remember how we met? remember covergirl? omg jessie. you are beautiful and amazing and you are joe in PBM.

emilyyyyyyy anneee.

you darling, are incredible. i don’t know if i’ve felt… as much trust in a relationship as i do in our friend ship. i love you, i trust you, i thank you. you always supported me, even if i wasn’t around to hear you say nice things… if that makes sense. you are great. i just like can’t even describe, yea. remember when we pretended to be taylor swift fans? remeber being in el ay. omg we are #fullmooncrazy. seriously tho- you are great. and tell nick thansk too because he’s a good friend too. i aprreciate. ok bro? and screw camille. okay, i love her TBH but like when she threw up on me? love her. byeeeeeeeeeeee.

hannnnsolo. akak emily hanson.

hansolo is your new nickname. we are gonna do this, 100%. let’s not let anything pull us down. you are so talented, and there is something special inside of you. i think thats all i need to say. and i miss fidel. and jorge.

ally c.

you darling, have to put up with my insane antics. i love you for it. you are so beautiful inside and out. you are pure beauty, and thats about how i can describe it acuratlly. omg i spelled that so wrong.

big o.
the likelyhood of you reading this, fairly low. thank you for pushing me. thank you for the talks in your office, resulting in tears and in laughter- but mainly memories. you provided me with such and beautiful 4 years, i wouldn’t change it at all. show choir will remain a part of my life forever. thank you, so much. thank you for believing in me, for pushing me. thank you for listening to my songs. thank you for putting up woth mysarcasm and panda jokes and weird banter.

aly d.
i love you. you are beautiful. thank you for being there. and thank you for making me giggle. laughter cures all.

meg.
you know what i’m going to say, so lets keep it simple. you pushed me to do this. i love you for it.

to every boy who has hurt me. to every girl who has talked shit. to every rock star who has shined so bright. to every person i found out wasn’t who they said. to every beautiful soul. to every lost soul. to everyone. thank you.

kelly o.
you have such an impact upon me. i strive to have a attitude like yours. ialsostrivetoliveoutofacarandfollowjoejonasaroundonhisolotourwithyou. you are so beautiful, and i knwo you believe in me. which means so much. kelly, don’t give up. ever.

the rest of the girls, you know who you are, aka like my js but not really but kind of girls.
i                          love                              you. (ps congrats kel and kenno. yes kenno. okay?)

oh what do the girls my age call themselves? the littles? whatever. you know who you are.

jess grella.

i loved talking politics with you. i love creeping with you. i love not meetign you (lie). you make me laugh.

cat willis.

omg cat, i hope you know most of the things i want to say… i can’t. pittsburgh sucked, but was worth it. you just understand. you are SO beautiful and i know one day you will see it. i know you will.

jackie chan aka jackie aka vaguely famillar homeless person.

I LOVE YOU SFM SFM SFM SFM. JACKIE YOU ARE INCREDIBLE OK?

i don’t know what else to say, are those autumn leaves? i love you.

omg this note is so long i should sleep.

tracy hartmaaaaaaaaaaannnn.
i don’t think i would have been able to graduate with out your faith in me. you are an incredible teacher. math scares me and makes me cry and yu made it bearable. i still strongly dislike it tho, sorry. but your soul? tracy. it’s insane. your heart is huge and this isn’t long enough but thank you SO much. thank you.

show choir family. not just poco.
you are all amazing children. i love you. somehow we were propelled towards this… activity? no. this lifestyle. these memories will last, i promise. you all are beautiful. even though you probably THINK you didn’t affect me, dude errone did. aka bouch, engler, chris, paul, adrienne, kelcey, jordan, christine, richy, ashley kidd (your voice is insane.), richy, chris, matt schmitz, matt d, nicole w, jason, zach, james <3, zach j, matt, austin, nick, max, tyler stevieeeee, eric, gattz, kelly, kelsey h, alana, danielle m, justin!, scott b,  megan, katie l, meghan, caity, nicole omg there are so many. seriously, the amount of talent is insane. and i hope you don’t find this weird. i could literally write so much about each of you, but that would be… weirder. shineeee bb shine. but seriously… yea.

i know there are a million more people to thank. like samantha murphy, like sav. like hannah lew, hannah sloan, becca kimyon, becky boughten. like kswack, kelly, marissa, DAKOTA ahhahahahahahahha, alaina, megan l, becky f, becky’s mom, shiny leggings girls, kari lee even though we started talking tonight, larry n, ashley may reid, kaly,nikki p, brooke, tiffany, hannah h,sarah m, kara& nicole, jess f, jess rice, jake b, bri mccaly, stephanie mcginn, jessica mcginn, scout mcginn, kelly mcginn, omg jennifer gulsvig, kevin chase, jenn b, bria torgenson, nick a, deano,lauren e, cole, mark, kaity, nicole, haley, joe, nick, kev, garb, the hs boys, kdsfjdklfgdh omg omgomgogmkgomg.

literally everyone has impacted me.

thank you everyone.

i will, WILL write more. i must.

thank you.

i just am amazed. i will write so much more later, when it’s not nearing 3 am.

if anyone would like a physical copy of my demo- please let me know.

it is on http://myspace.com/ceceliafindorff streaming.
i love you :)

:)cecelia.

overwhelming.

as some of you know, i am a jonas brothers fan.
i went to the opening night show in chicago.
i was very fortunate to be front row against the center catwalk.

while demi was performing, i was holding back tears.
i couldn’t figure out why. but i couldn’t let myself cry.
i mean, why did i even feel sadness. was it even sadness?

then the jonas boys came on.
they performed their freaking hearts out. it was beautiful.
in the midst of the screaming and cheering and fire and lights.
i found peace and comfort and happiness.
i felt safety, and i felt at home.
i looked up and felt overwhelmed with passion.
i wanted to be on that stage.
i wanted to be up there so bad.
thank god i didn’t climb on stage.

they played please be mine and i lost it.
i was crying. i felt tears hitting my cheeks.
heavy heavy heavy heavy tears.
it wasn’t sadness.
it was passion.
it was me being reminded of what i need.
it was me being reminded of what i’ll be.
above all that, my heart was full of pride.
i have never been so proud.
i watched the photos flash behind the boys.
i knew i had helped them get there.
i had been there for those moments.
i felt so connected.
and for a moment, i looked into kevin’s eyes and said thank you.
and he said thank you, yep and winked.
it meant so much. so much to me.

i may get made fun of for this, but i don’t mind.
because this is all real and true and blue to me.
i will reach that moment for myself.
no matter what it takes.

i am scared, but i will push through it.
i doubt sometimes, but i will push through it.

i promise, i will do whatever it takes.
i promise, because i refuse to feel anything less.

thank you boys.

who am i?

i am cecelia findorff.  i am eighteen and i live in minnesota, but will be attending columbia college in the fall for vocal performance.  basically i love the sea, road trips and concerts.  i drink too many malts, tweet too much and travel too far.  i am very very very tall, and definitely the girl in front of you at your favorite band’s concert who you can’t see around.  i am very lucky to have a very wide and colorful abundance of friends from all over and i am proud to say i met them through music.

i have always been passionate about music, since i was very young.  songwriting might be my one true love though.  i one day hope to be able to play my music for people, while generating an income, but money isn’t my main focus.  music has been there for me when i felt alone, and i hope to make others feel the same way.  it has the ability to connect you and transfer you to a different spot. it buzzes around in your chest and can make you feel brand new.  it is always there, it is always in your heart.  a song can keep a moment alive forever.  my goal isn’t to be number one american pop star with 12 radio hits and a sold out tour (although that would be nice)! my goal is to help people feel, to remind people how to feel.  i want my music to smell like the see and taste like your favorite ice cream.  i want you to not feel alone.  i want us all to be connected.  i want to bring joy and laughter and movement and feeling to everyone.

:) so check out my tunes and give me your thoughts.
if you want to know more about me- just ask.
but i’m not quite sure anyone read this anyways.
haha.

-cecelia.

p.s. i want to know, who do YOU think i am?