cecelia findorff.

overwhelming.

as some of you know, i am a jonas brothers fan.
i went to the opening night show in chicago.
i was very fortunate to be front row against the center catwalk.

while demi was performing, i was holding back tears.
i couldn’t figure out why. but i couldn’t let myself cry.
i mean, why did i even feel sadness. was it even sadness?

then the jonas boys came on.
they performed their freaking hearts out. it was beautiful.
in the midst of the screaming and cheering and fire and lights.
i found peace and comfort and happiness.
i felt safety, and i felt at home.
i looked up and felt overwhelmed with passion.
i wanted to be on that stage.
i wanted to be up there so bad.
thank god i didn’t climb on stage.

they played please be mine and i lost it.
i was crying. i felt tears hitting my cheeks.
heavy heavy heavy heavy tears.
it wasn’t sadness.
it was passion.
it was me being reminded of what i need.
it was me being reminded of what i’ll be.
above all that, my heart was full of pride.
i have never been so proud.
i watched the photos flash behind the boys.
i knew i had helped them get there.
i had been there for those moments.
i felt so connected.
and for a moment, i looked into kevin’s eyes and said thank you.
and he said thank you, yep and winked.
it meant so much. so much to me.

i may get made fun of for this, but i don’t mind.
because this is all real and true and blue to me.
i will reach that moment for myself.
no matter what it takes.

i am scared, but i will push through it.
i doubt sometimes, but i will push through it.

i promise, i will do whatever it takes.
i promise, because i refuse to feel anything less.

thank you boys.